WHY, WHY, WHY

(from John Fitzgibbon in Ballarat)

• Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
• Are lemon pies made from lemons, and meat pies are made from meat, yet cottage pie is not made from cottages?
• Do pedestrians push the button more than once when wanting the lights to change?
• Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but checks when you say the paint is wet?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
• How do you know when you're behind a tree?